7 Tips for When Your College Student Comes Home for a Break

When your college student comes home for a break, a little flexibility and a few conversations ahead of time can make the visit better for everyone.

You’ve been counting down the days until your college kid comes home. You’re looking forward to having everyone under one roof again. You may be picturing heart-to-heart conversations and hearing about their life at school. Mostly, you’re excited to spend some time together.

But after a few months apart, having them home might take a little adjusting.

Your student has gotten used to making their own decisions and keeping their own (often late) hours. You’ve probably settled into a different routine at home. Once they’re home for a visit, you all need to figure out how things work now.

We’ve been through this with six kids, and we’ve learned a few things that can help avoid some of the most common frustrations.

Here are seven things to keep in mind before your college student comes home for break.

1. Talk About Expectations BEFORE They Come Home

This is probably the biggest piece of advice we’d give to parents. Almost every issue we see pop up on parent forums could be avoided with some open communication beforehand.

Your college student has spent the last few months managing their life on their own. Coming and going without checking in with anyone. They’ve been deciding what and when to eat, when (and how late) to sleep, and how they’ll spend their free time.

Sure, they may have coordinated some of these things with their roommate(s), but let’s be real: they’ve been living as adults.

And then they come home, and you might still be thinking about them having the rules they had in high school.

When It Comes to Curfews…

Curfews are a big one. Some parents are comfortable letting their college kids come and go as they please. Others still want a set time for them to be home. Every family handles this differently, and that’s okay.

What’s most important is having that conversation about how your family will be doing things before they come home. Talk about what they’re expecting and share what you’re comfortable with, then figure out whether you need to find a compromise.

Being able to communicate openly is a great sign of maturity. It’s perfectly reasonable to set expectations that they need to let you know when they’re heading out and approximately when they plan to come home, and to send a quick update if their plans change.

Other Little Things That Cause Frustration

While you’re talking about expectations, don’t forget some of the other everyday things that can cause tension when they’re back home.

Your college kid may be used to staying up late, but the rest of the family might still have to get up early for work or school. Talk about how to show some mutual respect, like being quiet when they come home late and other family members keeping the noise down in the mornings.

This is also a good time to talk about cleaning up after themselves. Let them know you expect them to keep shared spaces tidy. If you need them to pitch in with chores around the house, make sure they know that too.

Talking about these things before they get home can help prevent the little frustrations that sometimes turn into arguments during their visit.

2. Plan How You’ll Spend Time Together

You’ve missed your kid! Naturally, you’re looking forward to spending time with them. Before they get home, talk about some specific things you’d like to do together. Maybe it’s a family meal, an outing, or a game night. Ask what they’d like to do, too, so everyone has something to look forward to.

Don’t feel like you need to plan every minute they’re home. Some of the best conversations happen when you’re just doing everyday things together. Invite them to take a walk or grab a coffee with you. Ask them to help make one of their favorite meals.

If you’re looking for more ways to spend time together, we’ve rounded up 31 ideas for things to do with your young adult kids.

3. Be Prepared to Share Their Time

They’ve Got Other People to See

Your college kid may be just as excited to see their hometown friends as they are to see you. After months apart, they’ve got a lot of catching up to do!

They may also have a boyfriend or girlfriend they want to spend time with, along with extended family members who are hoping to see them.

Try not to take it personally if they’re making plans that don’t include you. Remember, they’re trying to squeeze a lot into a short visit.

Thanksgiving Break May Be Shorter Than You Think

If your student is coming home for Thanksgiving, keep an eye on their school’s football schedule.

Many college rivalry games are scheduled over Thanksgiving weekend. Students who play football or participate in cheerleading, dance teams, color guard or marching band may need to return to campus earlier than you’d expected.

Even if your student isn’t involved in any of those activities, they may want to head back early to attend the game, especially if it’s a home game this year.

When you factor in travel days and other commitments, what looked like a nice long visit on the calendar can turn into just a day or two together.

4. Give Them Some Time to Decompress

Don’t be surprised if your college student walks through the door and heads straight for the couch or their bedroom.

College can be exhausting. Between classes, studying, activities, and late nights out, students don’t always get enough sleep. If they’re coming home right after midterms or during a stressful part of the semester, they may be running on fumes.

Let them sleep in, rot in bed with their phones, or spend an afternoon on the couch doing absolutely nothing. They may need that downtime more than anything else you’ve been looking forward to doing together. And you can always sit and relax for a while with them!

5. It’s Okay to Spoil Them a Little

A break during college is the perfect time to make their favorite meals and stock up the pantry and fridge with all the things they’ve been missing.

We both loved surprising our kids by handling the dirty laundry they lugged home with them. At least we knew their bedding and towels were clean when they went back to school!

There’s nothing wrong with doing a few extra things for your college kid while they’re home. A long weekend or Thanksgiving break is different from having them home for an entire summer. You can enjoy taking care of them a little without signing up to do everything for them whenever they’re home.

6. Give the College Questions a Rest

We get it. You’re curious about their classes, grades, professors, roommates, and everything else that’s happening at school. But no one enjoys an inquisition.

Your student may be looking forward to a few days when they don’t have to think about college quite so much, especially around Thanksgiving, when finals are right around the corner.

Of course, if there’s something important that needs to be discussed, have that conversation.

Otherwise, let them bring up college when they feel like talking about it.

7. Be Prepared for Some Emotional Ups and Downs

Coming home from college can bring up some unexpected emotions for your student.

They may find that things have changed with their hometown friends. Some old friendships might not feel quite the same, or they may be missing their new friends at college. They might even be dealing with a breakup or realizing they want one.

Even though you’re excited for them to be home, they may be trying to figure out how to balance the independence they’ve gotten used to with being under your roof again.

Don’t be surprised if they’re a little more emotional or even irritable. Try not to take every mood personally. Sometimes they just need someone to listen, and other times they may not feel like talking about what’s bothering them. They might not even understand it themselves.

Enjoy Having Your College Kid Home!

Having your college student home again might look a little different than you imagined, especially during those first few breaks.

One of the hardest parts of parenting is learning to let go a little at a time. These visits home are another part of that process. Your kids are growing into adults, and your relationship with them is changing right along with them.

We both made a real effort to make home a place our kids looked forward to coming back to. Not just because their favorite foods were in the fridge or someone would do their laundry, but because of how they felt while they were there. Home was where they could always feel comfortable being themselves, and where they knew we enjoyed having them around.

Because someday, they won’t be coming home for college breaks anymore. They’ll have jobs, homes, and lives of their own. We hope that no matter how old they get, they’ll still look forward to pulling into our driveways, sitting around our kitchen tables, and spending time together.

If you have any questions or suggestions, contact us or leave a comment below.

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